Words from an Irishman on his way home...

Saturday 30 September 2006

Toilet humour continued

Please friends... gather together and give me a toilet intervention already. I’m obsessed.
Today’s update is a handy English translation for the facilities in the ANA hotel at Ark Hills.
If you look just down from the centre and to the left, you will see my personal favourite: ‘For Ladies’. Is that a coy smile I see dancing on the woman’s lips?

Friday 29 September 2006

Good news for my sis and the environment

Big sis, you will be happy to know that Zama City has finally started mixed paper recycling. It's been three years, but it now looks like I will be able to recycle almost all my household waste. And it's not a moment too soon for this anti-global warming measure - Mount Fuji has no snow cover still now at the end of September. This is a first in my students' memories. And you know how long most of them have been around. Just kidding!

Return of the Last Samurai

No, not an announcement for another pants movie by Messrs Cruise and Watanabe. Rather a note that my young bro will be paying me a surprise visit at the end of the year. I can't wait. It'll be his second trip to Japan, making him a seasoned pro and not at all in need of babysitting. We'll mostly hang out, but the main event of the trip will be going to see crazy Japanese pro-wrestling. It'll be a first for me. It's sure to be mad. Roll on December, say I.

Beautiful Bonus Break in Tokyo

I had a great day today. Basically I got an unexpected day off. Apparently my boss had told me ages ago that the school would be specially closed today. But not having written it down, it totally slipped my mind.
It was a wonderful feeling being told yesterday that I didn't have to come in. It's even more precious when your schedule is as full as mine is.
I got up early (unwillingly). My body clock was set to 'work', so I couldn't sleep in. But I took a long, lazy breakfast reading my blog roll. Then I did yoga for an hour. I'm getting better each time, managing to do poses I could never do before. Next time you see me I might try showing off with a bit of contortion. It'll probably send me right to the emergency ward! Pride comes before a fall.
Then I headed into the centre of town and had a nice lunch in a very trendy part of Tokyo. It’s called Ark Hills in Minato Ward. You may recall I’ve talked about the ‘Hills’ brand of shopping complexes before. This is one of the oldest. It’s all glass and marble and fountains and swanky restaurants and cafes. The best part was sitting there watching all the other regular Joes go back to work while I could just hang out. Bliss.
I had a funny incident at lunch. I really am becoming more Japanese than the Japanese themselves. I ate in a very Westernised café. They probably target the many tourists and international bankers and lawyers that knock around that area.
I had a simple lunch of veggie soup and rice. But when it came to my table, I realised I had no chopsticks. Without even thinking, I went up to the waitress and asked for some. Would you believe they didn’t have any? They had to go and get me a sealed, disposable set. I swear I think I got the choppies the cook was going to eat his own lunch with. I was mortified. It had just been a knee-jerk reaction on my part. Turns out they wanted me to eat the rice with a spoon. What am I? A Neanderthal? I was very glad they’d put me in a seat way in the back. The witchy assistants were having a good laugh at me as I walked away. I guess I was the first person to ever ask for choppies.
Having said that, I proved later on that I am far from being one with the Borg. Ark Hills is just around the corner from the American Embassy. As I was aimlessly strolling away from the centre, a police officer stopped me and asked where I thought I was going. Turns out they have special anti-terrorism security measures in effect and you can’t walk up near the embassy without a permit. I was so shocked at the question that for a good few seconds (it felt like hours) not a single word of Japanese would come out of my mouth. Thank God I’d shaved off my beard. In my hirsute state, the cop might have thought I was a Palestinian militant and wrestled me to the ground.
It all reminded me of when I lived in France. At that time the country was under threat of attack from Algerian terrorists. The French have a great word for the special security measures they take in such situations. They call them ‘vigipirate’ - pronounced vee-jee-pee-rat. The ‘vigipirate’ mostly entailed covering over all the trash cans in the country and chaining closed emergency exits, turning them into potential death traps. I just loved that word though. It conjured up images of the vain Frenchies dressing up in their pirate finery to battle the evil terrorists.
Anyway, back to my day off. The weather got pretty good so I took a long walk and visited Hamarikyu gardens. This is an old park right in the centre of the city. Tokyo's not at all the concrete jungle it's made out to be. I took a few pictures, mostly of herons and butterflies, Japanese pine trees and tonnes of plants I don't know the names of. I also got a mozzie bite for my troubles. You wouldn't credit it! And it almost October, too! Thanks a bunch global warming.

Monday 25 September 2006

On yams and being Japanese...

It's not all just Japanese round here at Cadwell Heights these days. I do try and squeeze in other reading besides my poxy textbooks.
Right now, I'm enjoying a book called Cultural Anthropology. It sounds heavy, but it's very accessible and full of lots of interesting case studies and anecdotes from cultures all over the world (many of which are disappearing as I type).
I'm especially interested in the parts where the author (Roger M. Keesing) talks about how 'world view is encoded in a language'.
He refers to a famous case study of the Trobriand Islanders of the Southwest Pacific (certain Australians who may be reading this will know way more about the topic than yours truly!)
One of the anthropologists who have worked on the data from this island people is Dorothy Lee.
She writes in one passage, 'If I were to go with a Trobriander to a garden where the taytu, a species of yam, had just been harvested, I would come back and tell you: "There are good taytu there; just the right degree of ripeness, large and perfectly shaped; not a blight to be seen, not one rotten spot..." The Trobriander would come back and say "Taytu"; and he would have said all that I did and more... '(Lee 1949:402)
Now, if I didn’t live in Japan and if I had never studied Japanese, I don’t think her words would have meant anything to me.
But as it is, I totally get what she’s talking about.
In Japan, by saying one word or phrase, I can convey what would take me ten words or even a whole page of writing in English. Japanese is beautifully and excruciatingly brief and ambiguous at times. Saying words like ‘おいしい oishii: delicious’, ‘大丈夫 daijobu: OK’ or ‘よろしくyoroshiku: well’ can communicate deep layers of meaning in certain situations that I’m only now starting to fathom.
But similarly, there are times when to translate one word from English, for example ‘you’, I need to choose whole sentences in Japanese. The simple act of addressing another person can force me to consider register, politeness, ranking, humility, and respect. It can be mind-boggling.
Another quick illustration: You know those old fashioned LED screens you see in train stations, airports and the like? The ones that give public announcements or the weather or stock market information? Well I never understood their usefulness until I could read Japanese.
I remember trying to read these boards in English and standing there mouthing out the words as they slowly passed along the screen. The……8.15……train……will……depart……from……platform……14. It all seemed so slow and inconvenient. I often thought an old piece of paper would have worked way more efficiently.
But now I realise these screens were developed here in Japan. As ‘we’ Japanese read in pictures, you can fit whole, complicated sentences in just one screen flash. It’s brilliant. They work great in a Japanese context.
Language, culture and worldview are intimately entwined. Are Japanese people ambiguous, flexible, compromising and accommodating because their language is so? Or is it the other way around and the people have turned out that way because of the language they use?
It has been suggested that the Japanese should simplify their language. Why not adopt a roman script instead of the Chinese characters and two main kana syllabaries used at present? But this idea has always been quickly shot down. To fully express what being Japanese means, the full language, in all its eccentricity and complication, is necessary.
Please note that I only started saying ‘we’ Japanese when my language ability developed beyond a few survival phrases. In fact, it coincided with starting to be able to read and write.
It prompts the question what does being Japanese really mean. If I lived 20 years in America or Australia or Canada, other people might start calling me American. But if I live twenty years in Japan and learn to speak the language fluently, will I ever be called Japanese? People of Korean or Chinese ancestries who speak Japanese like a native are regularly called Japanese (sometimes to their chagrin). Will the day ever come when a person of Irish ancestry will be treated in the same way?
Sorry if this entry ended up coming out like half-baked dissertation proposal. I just thought the whole topic was really interesting. You can all wake up now.

Saturday 23 September 2006

Before
For the last three weeks I tried rockin' a full beard. I liked it for the first ten days or so. Then it started to get so itchy. I had visions of myself ending up looking like yer man from 'Lost' or something. Instead, I ended up looking more like Debbie Reynolds. Only former inmates of St. Aidan's CBS can appreciate the true horror of this statement. It was bad - 'nuff said.






After
Backck to my former glory. How did I get a tan
in the 24 hours between pictures?
Maybe I have jaundice. That said, I did have
carrot juice for breakfast, though.

Monday 18 September 2006

For my brother

This is the small video clip I took of the guy practising swordsmanship at Yasukuni Shrine, Tokyo. It's really not that interesting. I thought my bro might be a little into it, though.

Then here is where he messes up.

Snicker. I was happy to feel the wind might be taken out of the right-wingers' pompous sails. For all those visiting Tokyo, there are way more peaceful and bea

Sweet surprise?

My culinary adventures in Japan continue. The above sweets are dried, fermented soybeans covered in chocolate. I mistakenly thought they were peanuts. Think pleasant chocolate with an after-taste of old sock. They were not good. But that was not my sweetest surprise over the last few days (see what I did there?)
I got all dressed and ready to go to Japanese school today and arrived at the train station to see they were still operating on the weekend timetable. It turns out today is a bank holiday Monday: Respect for the Aged Day. So no school. A beautiful bonus day off. I'd completely forgotten about it. Thank you old fogies for this much needed extra free time.
It really is appreciated. I had such a busy Saturday and Sunday. I squeezed in two yoga classes, two private students, one day of regular work, one day of regular Japanese school, a visit to an exhibition, a drop in at the infamous Yasukuni shrine, and a two hour night-time walk through Tokyo. I was exhausted this morning and would have been totally unproductive even if I had had anywhere to go.
In all that weekend activity, I'm afraid there wasn't that much of note.
Yasukuni shrine is the one commemorating the millions of Japanese war dead. It also enshrines some Class-A War Criminals. It's the place that Prime Minister Koizumi insists on praying at, thus causing China, Korea et al to have another excuse for hating 'us'.
It's not a pleasant place. Whenever you go there are always these right-wing nutjobs in army fatigues hanging about. It's quite intimidating.
When I dropped in there was a display of traditional sword craft. I took some video, mainly for my little bro. I'm not sure if I can be bothered uploading it. In another setting I think I'd have loved to see a guy in full kimono practising traditional sword fighting skills. But in Yasukuni it smacked of dirty nationalist pride and aggrandisement.
The best part is I caught him on video making a mistake and failing to slice through a bamboo rod. He knocked it over instead. I secretly hoped he'd have to go and impale himself for the shame he'd brought on the shrine.
One thing I will say in defence of this place is that one person’s war criminal is another person’s hero. History is the account of the victor, right? Let’s say the US hadn’t won the war. It’s not such a leap to imagine that those who ordered A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki would now be Class-A war criminals themselves. War is atrocity. Yasukuni is a complicated place. It requires deep soul searching and dialogue on ALL sides. Unfortunately, the powers in all the affected countries do not seem to be interested in sensibly discussing the issue and finding a way to live together and move on. Not when there’s a chance for posturing and playing to worst elements of the home crowd. For some reason I’m thinking of Pope Benedict right now. Wonder why?
Anyway, the art exhibition I went to wasn't that great either. It was in a small gallery that I like with some Japanese artists whose work I'd enjoyed before. Mainly Nihonga: A style of painting where the paints are all made from these crushed precious stones and metals. The theme was Japanese wildlife. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood, but none of the pictures really spoke to me. I guess I was quite impressed by one picture of a white peacock in front of yellow hibiscus. Not so much for the art itself, but more for its detail and all the skilled work that went into it.
I did see one huge folding screen depicting cormorants on a craggy misty cliff. I totally associate these birds with Ireland and some wild place like the Skelligs, or that. I must have some sense memory of having to draw them in Nature Study class or something. I suddenly came over all homesick and wished for a crisp new copy book and some sharply pared colour pencils. Oh to be in primary school again. I wouldn't mind going back if I could ensure that I’d skip ages 13 to 19. No way I'd want to ever be a teenager again.
The only other thing that sticks in my head from the last few days is that at yoga one of the women in the class brought along her boyfriend. She's pretty experienced, but he was really struggling, as it was his first trial lesson. He even sat out quite a few of the more difficult poses.
The thing is, she sat them out, too. As it wasn't her first time, I was surprised. Do you think she was doing this so as not to hurt his ego or make out she was stronger or fitter than he was? If so, that really sucks. Are we men and women all really so afraid of each other? Can't we see that everyone has a unique contribution and value? This life is neither a race nor contest. We all have a valid part to play and different strengths and weaknesses. I dunno. For some reason, it just really depressed me.
In fact, this past weekend was a total bummer, now that I look back on it. I wish I hadn't bothered to write about it now. I'm sorry. I'll try and be cheerier next time.
P.S. It's still raining, by the way, for what feels like about the fifth straight month. Totally helping my mood.

Sunday 10 September 2006

50 years of photojournalism

Today I got my pretentious on again. I pulled out the black beret and dusted off the old polo neck and headed in to Tokyo’s Metropolitan Museum of Photography.
I was really excited to see the above exhibition entitled ‘Images as they are: five decades of iconic photo-journalism.’
It really brought home how much power a well taken and well-timed photo can hold. And iconic was no understatement. They were very, very famous works, but thoroughly depressing. It was like condensing fifty years of human misery into one exhibition.
After seeing slow motion footage of Kennedy getting shot, innumerable images of wars and public strife, pictures of the first people to be diagnosed with aids and small famine stricken hands clutching at an aid worker’s fingers, I was about ready to give it all up.
I totally understand that this was not art, but photojournalism. So it was natural that worldwide trouble and strife should be disproportionately represented. It hasn’t exactly been a peaceful nor uneventful half-century. Plus they really were trying to drive home the message that such images are not gratuitous but can, in themselves, be agents for change and improvement. Maybe so, but man I really needed a hug by the end.
Another very interesting theme they were trying to get across was to show that as technology has developed, so too has the style of photojournalism. It’s been democratised, as it were. In only the last decade, with the arrival of digital technology, the age of the amateur photojournalist, the on-the-scene witness has been born.
But I’m not convinced that proximity necessarily equals truth. Just being there and recording an event does not necessarily have the same impact as the image a talented and professional eye can create. Such images tell a richer story.
I was far more moved and provoked by the truth of the Vietnamese woman washing blood from her doorstep or the Biafran militia carrying mortar shells like a bunch of bananas, than by the point and push of the Asian Tsunami, 9/11 or Abu Ghraib. Something for the CNN’s or Fox News’s of this world to think about.

Japanese Toilets: Entry No. 564

So I’m going to go on about Japanese toilets yet again. I think toilets have been mentioned many than any other on topic on this here blog. I’m fixated. Freud would surely have a field day with that little detail.
But how could they not interest you. I mean look at the little control panel on the average washlet above. You feel like you’re captaining a starship when you’re sitting down on one. Half the time I have to stifle my ‘Engages’ and my ‘Make it so’s’ when I answer nature’s call.
Basically, they are just a technologically advanced bidet / toilet. But all those buttons, to play with... Water jets, massage functions, water pressure, water temperature, nozzle direction, nozzle-head cleaning, warm-air drying. Fun!
They can be a little intimidating for the uninitiated. Even more so because they usually aren’t written in English. There are many stories of visitors to Japan getting a powerful squirt in the eye, having confused the water jet for the flush.
PS For all you dirty minded readers out there examining the above picture with a good Japanese dictionary, the button for nozzle cleaning refers to the machine and not to the user!
PPS Lest I give the impression that these advanced machines are prevalent all over Japan, I hasten to add that Japan is all about context. These machines are not cheap, so you usually only find them in your swankier establishments and homes. Previous visitors to me here will testify that, depending on where you go, you can spend an equally alarming amount of time squatting over a sparkling clean, porcelain hole in the ground.

The Handkerchief Prince

Here is a picture of a hankie my boss gave me the other day. This present was very kind and unexpected, but also a classic example of how in Japan a phenomenon can be created from thin air.
You see, every summer the National High-School Baseball Finals are televised. This year, one particular played grabbed the media’s attention.
In the rough and tumble world of baseball, this pitcher came across as a mannerly, refined, educated young man. And all because instead of wiping the sweat from his brow with his sleeve, as all the other players were doing, he chose to mop his face with a light blue hanky, just like the one above.
And so the Handkerchief Prince was born. All the news programs carried pieces on him, his face was on the front cover of all the weekly magazines, and the Internet was awash with analysis of his popularity.
He came to represent a type of manners and propriety that most people feel young Japanese have entirely lost touch with. A brilliant academic and social future was plotted for this lad and his parents were held up as role models for child rearing. And all from one little sweat rag. Let’s not forget the hanky!
The company that made the hand towel couldn’t keep up with the sudden surge in demand. Unopened packages went on Internet auction sites for twenty times the regular retail price. Seriously, some department stores even ran special raffles where 1,600 people applied to win one of only 80 such handkerchiefs. Madness, but totally typical of the Japanese market.
I would hate to be a celebrity over here. The mass media is probably the most fickle in the world. They build you up from nowhere in a flash, you are literally everywhere for about a month. Then the next big thing comes along and you are dropped like a hot potato. There is nothing gradual or graceful about it at all. The crash landing must really hurt.
I hope the Handkerchief Prince really does have good, grounded parents behind him. He will surely need them soon. I give him another two weeks in the sun before the media’s attention deficient gaze falls elsewhere.

From the weird Japanese food files

As I’ve said here before, I think Japanese cuisine is the best in the world. People in this country are fascinated by food. They are really open minded about what to eat and will give almost anything a go. When you live here, it’s best to adopt the same mindset. I’ve come to love the fermented beans, the salty plums, and the devil’s-tongue jelly, to name but a few.
Please notice above the most recent addition to my weird food files: Hakone Black Eggs. They were a souvenir given to me by one of my students on her return from a trip to one of Japan’s most famous hot-spring resorts.
These are regular chicken eggs that are boiled in the naturally piping hot underground springs. The high sulphur content of the nearby lava and volcanic rock gives the shells their distinctive black colour.
The real kicker is that these are SOFT-boiled eggs! And they’re not refrigerated! And they’re good for two weeks! They’re a serious attack of salmonella waiting to happen, wouldn’t you think?
But ‘we’ Japanese don’t let such trifling matters stop us from getting our culinary groove on. Oh no!
A clear sign that I’ve assimilated: As soon as I got these puppies home I thought, “You know what’d make these soft-boiled eggs just perfect... if I wrapped them in dried seaweed and seasoned them with salad cream!” That’s to say I’ve either assimilated or I’m pregnant.
I lost my nerve momentarily when I cracked open the shell and the egg dropped onto the seaweed with a worrying, watery plop. But it was too late to turn back. And you know what? My little creation was gorgeous. I’m calling it ‘Scotch egg goes to the Orient’.
Final little fact for all you Trivial Pursuit fans: Did you know that Japan has the most hot-spring resorts of any country in the world, numbering about 10,000? In second place comes France with only three hundred and something.
Here in Japan the spas are the upside of living on a fault-line between tectonic plates. I’ve got to say, it’s meagre compensation for the threat of being plunged into some volcanic crevice at any moment.
P.S. If my sister is reading this she is probably clutching her knees and rocking back and forth in a traumatised state: Too many flashbacks of the guided tour from Hell. Big sis, I’m wearing my white gloves as I type.

Wednesday 6 September 2006

Tell me what you think...

Dedication to yoga poses involving long periods of sitting on the feet?
Or stigmata?
Just call me Patrick Pio.
PS Please ignore the fact that I have long, bony Olive Oil (from Popeye) feet

Monday 4 September 2006

Whyyyyy?????

Evidence the Universe hates me at the moment:
1. I failed my first mock test for my big final exam in December. And not just by a little bit - a whole whopping 20%. Three months out this is not good. So it looks like I'm probably going to have to repeat the poxy year again and a qualifcation that should have taken two years will now end up taking four. Arse!
2. Even my one true friend, The Interweb, hates me. Lovely email stabbed me in the back and proved beyond doubt that I will never be an FBI agent.
3. After teasing us with the most beautiful autumn weather (my absolute favourite season in Japan), the hot sticky mess has come back with a vengeance: mid thirties and so humid you could cut the air with a knife. What happened to dry air, clear blue skies and the beautiful 25 degrees of last week?
4. And last but not least, a sure sign somebody up there has it in for me at the moment: I went to yoga tonight with a proactive, business-like mindset. No faffing around in the changing rooms, I decided I'd wear my yoga shorts underneath my trousers and use that extra time for stretching before class. Cut to me getting out of the shower after class realising I hadn't brought any clean underpants to change into. So I had to go home commando. What if there'd been an earthquake? On top of being dead or lying injured in an emergency room, I'd have been mortified. Appropriately (or more ironically) I was wearing combats tonight. Not the softest fabric. I've just looked up the word 'chafing' in the dictionary. If that comes up in my final test, I'm set.
But...
Reasons to keep on living:
1. My new favourite programme has not in fact been cancelled, as I'd feared, just moved in the schedule. It's great, it's going to be on all the time now. That should really help me plug up that gaping 20% hole, eh?
2. The hope of hearing my father (the Renaissance man) get his radio play aired on national radio. It's a really good script. If it wins the competition, I will definitely let you know how to hear it over the Internets.
3. The fancy weighing scales in my yoga studio and yoga in general. So they have this really space age scales that sends electric pulses through your body and lets you know your body fat precentage, muscle mass, and of course weight. They even have a handy chart hanging nearby to show you how you measure up. Turns out I'm totally Joe Average. But there were plenty of other helpful illustrations like, 'The Sportsman Zone', 'The Muscle Man Zone', 'The Puny Zone' (I was amazed to find I didn't fall into this section) and 'The Sumo Wrestler Zone'. Wow, that'd really do your self confidence a lot of good if before your yoga lesson you were told by the friendly machine that you'd be better suited to lobbing salt about a sumo ring than limbering up on a yoga mat. Anyway, my new reason for living is to get into that prized sportsman zone. Plus now that this whole translation gig seems to be slipping further and further away from me, another string to my bow wouldn't hurt. Maybe it's time to get serious about getting qualified to teach yoga. Maybe I should look for some teacher training courses somewhere around the world to take summer '07. Any suggestions gladly accepted.

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