Eurotastic

A few disclaimers before we move on with this post.

1. Non-European readers, you may as well stop reading now. This probably isn't going to mean anything to you.

2. This whole post came out of the fact that when I was doing Karaoke with my sis I pointed out that she didn't quite have 'Linda Martin' microphone technique.

3. I haven't had the slightest bit of interest in the Eurovision Song Contest in about 10 years. But when I was young I was hardcore (Little Bro, I'll pay you royalties) It sounds, too, like the contest has really lost something now that it no longer does the total partisan fixed voting thing. It's all phone-in now. Though I'm speaking from a position of weakness - I haven't seen it in about 10 years.

4. I am quite possibly addicted to Youtube. It is AMAZING what you can find on there.

5. As far as I know, Ireland still holds pole position for most Eurovision Song Contest wins. I will not be posting all our winning clips. Basically I'm just putting up clips that I really remember or that were so bad they were good. The ones I'm leaving out were just so bad they were bad (Eimear Somethingorother and Rock and Roll Kids, I'm looking at you!)

So first up, the original and the best.

This is Dana singing 'All Kinds of Everything'. Please note that this was 1970 in the days before cosmetic dentistry - you could park a car in the space between her front teeth. Also, I can't watch this without seeing Dawn French - she did a hilarious take-off that really captured the mood. Useless trivia - Dana went on to become a quite conservative but very good Member of the European Parliament.

Next up, we have a dangerously high cheese-factor. Practically cholesterol inducing. It's Johnny Logan singing 'Hold Me Now' in 1987. Notice he appears to be singing in front of a viking ship. This is a theme that will reoccur with Linda Martin a few years later.

More useless trivia - Johnny wrote her winning song.

But seriously you Scandinavians, get your act togther. Next time put the singers in front of an Ikea Lounge Suite or something less cliche.

So Johnny's win led to the Eurovision being held in Dublin the next year. All I can remember of that event is the stage. It seemed so space age and kick-ass. I also remember Zig and Zag doing a killer take-off of Michelle Rocha (co-presenter with Pat Kenny). Basically he did a whole Dempsey's Den with a bunch of film on his head mocking Michellle's cutting-edge hairstyle. I'm really dating myself here now.

But you have to remember what a big deal this was to Ireland at the time. This was way before the Celtic Tiger, second-most-affluent-nation-per-capita crap. This was when Dublin had thirty odd percent unemployment. I mean 'The Commitments' time. Who knew we could pull off such a tight, cutting edge show. Irish Pride, people.

Even more useless trivia. The winner of this year's show was a pre-fame, pre-Titanic Celine Dion singing 'Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi'. Try to drag your eyes away from the swans that were needlessly slaughtered to make her skirt and focus on the set.

P.S. Though French-Canadian, she was winning for Switzerland.

Now we have Linda Martin singing 'Why Me?'. She who brought about this whole camp tragedy of a post.

Note again the viking ship in the background and the superior mic-handling technique. Big Sis, you should pay extra attention.

Last up, 'Why Not Millstreet?'

Linda's win again gave us hosting pleasure / pain? It must have cost a packet.

Again this was in a time before the roar of the Celtic Kitten.　　For God's sake, as you will see in the last clip I post, this was a time when RTE still had the Brigid's Cross in its logo - unimaginable in the multicultural, interdenominational Ireland of today.

So again I have vivid memories of this competition. The presenter was Fionnuala Sweeney. I now get to see her over here on CNN Japan. The girl done good.

I remember her being interviewed on the day of the contest on the radio. The interviewer was asking her if she was nervous. She answered, 'Not at all - I've been drinking since morning!' At the time, I remember thinking, 'You rock!' Foreshadowing future alcohol dependency issues, some might say.

Final bit of usless trivia, the singer Niamh Kavanagh scrubbed up pretty well for a mere bank teller. The song is 'In Your eyes'.

I know I'm suffering from ex-pat-itis but they make Ireland look pretty damn beautiful.

I guess I couldn't let such a post go by without reminding readers that it was the subsequent 1994 Eurovision in Dublin that unleashed Riverdance on the World.

Okay. So it unleashed Micheal Flatley, too. But you know ying and yong, ping and pong - you have to take the good with the bad...

The one where they all sing...

Over the last few months here at Cadwell Heights, we've been holding auditions for Japanese Idol. Tonight, the results... But seriously, you know I love me some karaoke. Every visitor who comes to Japan gets inducted into the cult by me. It's just so much fun with all these randoms songs they have to choose from, your own little private room, and drinks just an intercom away. First up, Big Sis, if you're having a 'Bad Day', don't! Watch this clip and smile.



Next up, you are all well aware that my sis is a big dog lover. Call me 'Crazy', but I think she chose this song just because the artist has Bark in their name.



In the following clip, my friend shows how the natives do it. She's a 'Scorpio Woman' さそり座の女

Existential Crisis

So since my sis left I've been returning to normal life. I'm not back in work, only in Japanese school, so I have had a nice free schedule. I'd be hard pushed to say I've used my time constructively. Put it this way, I've had several couch potato days where I haven't even left the house or gotten out of my pyjamas. Much and all as I enjoyed them, 8-hour DVD marathons (The West Wing Season 3 is so cool!) are neither good for the eyes, the spirit nor the spine! On the days I have dragged myself out of the flat, I've gone to my usual haunts. Up in Shimokitozawa (my old, funky neighbourhood) I sat in a cafe I'd taken my sis too, drank a beer and felt pretty sad. It wasn't the same going there alone. I have to say the drink helped dull the pain. It was a brilliant sunny day and sitting on the terrace enjoying the sun I downed my first Hoegaarden of the season. Meaningless trivia: Who knew it was properly pronounced Hugh Garden! I always thought it was Ho Garden, even though I lived practically beside the brewery for two years. If ever I need a stage name or a pseudonym or something, I'm set. That's it right there! That same day I got my pretentious on and went to a tiny art house cinema to enjoy an avant-garde comedy from the 1960s. Think Jacques Tati, but in Japanese. It was by Kinoshita Ryo (a contemporary of Kurosawa Akira) and was called Otoko girai (男嫌い - The Men-haters). It was the humourous trials and tribulations of four spinster sisters who were dealing with being unmarried at a time of great change in Japan. They were modern women coping with constantly being set up with undesirables and figuring out their place in a society caught between the lure of the old and the embrace of the new. To be honest it was pretty difficult for me to understand. It was so quick and of course humour really doesn't always translate easily. But I'd say I got about 70% of it - certainly enough to enjoy the experience. What was most interesting for me was picking up on the cultural references from a period when Japan suddenly knew extraordinary economic and social development. The four 'Thoroughly Modern Millies' lived in a house that looked like it was plucked from Southern California. They didn't take their shoes off when entering the home. They drank liberally, wore Western dress, and (apparently a first in Japanese cinema) were shown dunking newfangled teabags in cups, rather than enduring the ritual tea preparation of old. It was a learning experience that's for sure. I only wish I'd worn my black polo neck and beret - I would have fit in better with the rest of the crowd. Today, too, I hit the city centre for some shopping. I need new shoes. My sis told me how it's bad for your feet to wear the same pair of shoes every day. Since my first visit to a chiropractor all those years ago, I'm all about the spinal rectitude. So I need to stock up on a variety of pairs for the good of my back. Needless to say, I came home empty handed. I hate shopping. But I did enjoy a lovely walk in the sunny city and plentiful relaxing coffee breaks. The ‘talking in toilets’ saga continues, by the way. Avid readers will remember that I am shocked by how often I come across people sitting on the jacks and talking on their mobile phone. Repulsive, right? Well it happened again in a department store today. But that's nothing. When my sis was over I had the misfortune to see an even worse breach of etiquette. We were taking a much need break in Machida. Having a bladder the size of a pea, I, of course, needed to use the facilities. On entering the bathroom I was disgusted to glance at a guy standing at the urinal, wanger in one hand, mobile phone in the other, talking away like he was just shooting the breeze with a friend. Now surely you all agree this is not on. Tell me none of you has even done such a thing. On that dirty note, I guess I’d better go do some study. In Japanese school yesterday we were given our application forms for the big end of year test (this is the government accreditation test that decides whether I pass or fail the year at school). Yikes. I can't believe how close it is now: The Fourth of December. I really don't want to think about it. I've done flop all in the last few weeks, but don't regret a minute. As per usual, having waved off another visitor, I'm going through a serious bout of homesickness and can't imagine what I'm going to do in the future. Every day, my plans change. At the moment it's looking like I'll stay in Japan for another year and a half. Then, take another three months to travel around the world again. After that, I’ll go home to Dublin, maybe enter that Masters program in DCU and then try and figure out what the hell it is that I want to do with the rest of my life. Talk about your existential crises. I just miss my family so much right now. I love it over here, as you know, but I always feel that my life is somehow on pause. That the life I have made here for myself is not real, just temporary. That someday I'm going to have to knuckle down, get married, get a house and have kids. Anyway, to any of you who are shocked by this, take it with a pinch of salt. Homesickness does weird things to a body. Plus it always passes. Needless to say I will make no firm decisions in such a state. Everything is yet to play for!

Are all creation myths this messed up?

Feast or famine time again with me and the blog, it seems.
Please note this entry is long and boring and probably of interest to about three people on the planet (including me) and I doubt they’re reading this blog. Feel free to skip right over this one - I’m talking to you, Mother!
I’m just done reading a book about the creation myths of Japan. Only about sixty or seventy years ago, these stories were taught as fact in History Class in Japanese schools.
I found it really interesting to see how people explained the formation of the islands of Japan, the people and Gods who inhabited them, and the reason why the Emperor was revered as a God until not that long ago.
Bear in mind that I am still in Da Vinci code mode. The similarities were striking, especially in the way that in both the bible and the Japanese creation myth, women seem to be blamed for the downfall from a more perfect state. Do you think this misogynistic trend might have something to do with the fact that it was usually the men who wrote the stories?
In the Japanese creation myth, at a time when the world was basically a swirling soup of energy, the Gods started to bring beings to life. The seventh generation of these beings was Izanagi and his sister / wife, Izanami. Ed. note: Notice how the numbers seven and three always seem to come up, no matter what the cultural background.
So Izangai and Izanami took a great lance to the gloop and started to form the first of the eight great islands of Japan. While working, they talked. Izanami pointed out, quite politely, that she had a part of her body that was under-formed. Izanagi replied that he had a part of his body that was over-formed. Naturally, they thought to join these two parts together and created a child.
This first child however was a leech baby. Confused and horrified they went to the Gods who explained that because the woman had spoken first (can you say second-class citizen?) the child had come out bad. The man must be the first to speak or all will be lost.
So at their next coupling, Izanagi spoke first and they bore many children. Izanami gave birth to all the islands of Japan, their deities and the people living there. But on bearing the fire God, she got terribly burnt. She lay sick and dying, but she wasn’t done yet. Her faeces created ore, her urine water, her blood something else I can’t remember, and so on, and so on.
Eventually she died.
Izanagi was lost without her and went to Yomi, the land of the dead, to look for her. He called her out. She appeared at the gates of the underworld and said she would ask the Gods’ permission to come back to earth. She went back inside Yomi and gave strict instructions for Izanagi not to follow her. Of course he didn’t listen.
On entering, he saw her lying prostrate, being eaten by maggots and tortured by demons. She was so ashamed and angry with him seeing her like this (without her makeup on or anything) she called on the hags of hell and thunder to chase after him and kill him.
Failing in their task, she decided to go after him herself.
Coming upon him in her anger, she vowed that she would divorce him. Not only that, but to punish him for his contravention she would see to it that every day 1000 of his people in Japan would die. Izanagi retorted that if she did that, he would simply ensure that 1500 people were born every day to replace them. Ed note again: If they were still teaching this in schools, they’d have a tough time explaining Japan’s shrinking population and the lowest birth rate in the world.
Izanagi finally escaped from his terrifying sister/wife (seriously could this story be more chauvinistic?) and stopped at a river to purify himself (dirty, dirty women!).
When he washed his left eye, the Goddess of the sun, Amaterasu, was brought to life. When he washed his right eye, Touki, the God of night was born. And then when he washed his nose, Suzano-o, the God of the sea, came to be.
Now that no nasty women were involved in the process, things went pretty smoothly from there - apart from the Caen-and-Abel -like slaughters, the raping, the pillaging, the lust and battles for power, the divine jealousies and intricate revenges: All the usual biblical stuff, right? Fun for all the family.
And then the rest of the book was basically a lineage of who begat whom up until the present day emperors. Let me tell you, they were working from a pretty small gene pool - it seemed an awful lot of them were brother and sister. I’d better not say much more - you could get in real trouble over here for speaking ill of the Imperial family.
One final note, which really gave me a chuckle, was some of the names of the progeny. You can forget your Abrahams and your Ezekials. Why not try on a
Masu-Katsu-a-Katsu-Kachi-Haya-ni-Ame-no-Oshi-Ho-Mimi-no-Mikato (24 syllables)
for size! But please, just call him Joe.

Nellism

I think it must be all the electric wires and pylons just outside my balcony. Maybe it's the radiation or something, but living in my apartment seems to have a strong impact on some of my guests'.... shall we say 'mental faculties'...cough...'H. B.'...cough...
Some people spend time in Zama and end up talking like Nell from that Jodie Foster movie.
Anyway, my sister's visit has proved that previous outbreaks were not isolated incidents. Maybe a mix of the radiation , microwaves, jetlag and culture shock led her to come out with some real quotable Nellisms...tae in the ween!!!!! tae in the ween!!!!
Chief among them:
(whilst making a serious point over tea and cakes in a nice cafe) 'and one would think...(shocked silence)...Oooh I've just gotten cake in my ear!'
(on coming back from an ultra modern Japanese bathroom) 'I've just done the handjob thing in the toilet! (she was referring of course to the strange airdryers over here which are a little difficult to figure out at first)
(on being served delicious cocktails) 'Ooh I'll suck on that...wait that's not a straw!' (she was referring of course to the swizzle stick)
(when going from the airport sitting on the very last car of his train where you can see the conductor (not the driver!) in their own little compartment) 'Wow! The driver must have a hard time steering this thing all the way at the back without being able to see out - is there a camera at the front or something?' (I put this one down to jetlag after a monstrous fourteen hour flight)
(On discovering the joys of trying to get clothes dry in Japanese rainy season) 'I'm not wearing that - I don't want to smell like mouldy crotch!' (Seriously linen pants drying for three days indoors in 90% humididity... not a good smell, people. Don't try it at home.)
But the classic of all time for me was purely endearing. My sis made a huge effort to learn and speak lots of Japanese while she was over here. P., you have a serious competitor here.
All my friends and students were well impressed by how much she learned. But in the early stages of her learning she accidentally came out with a beauty.
In Japan, before eating, we say,'Itadakimasu'. It means something like 'Bon Appetit'. But Ro got it confused one day with me and said, 'Itamakidesu'. Roughly translated into English this means 'Hi, my name's Ita Mackey.' I was beside myself and now have a new favourite word and all meals now start this way with me. People must think I'm crazy.
I must now look officially like a totally bullying brother. But there is plenty she could hit back at me with. I mean, hello, scoring high in karaoke to Celine Dion. Or more embarrassingly the way I come up with my own special little names for daily objects and use them almost wihtout knowing it anymore. For example, the first car of the train is always the death car, echynacia tea is always euthenasia tea and the the hooks hanging from the ceiling of the train that you hold on to are always called strap-ons. This leads to the final hilarious Nellism which was therefore totally my fault:
(on a crowded commuter train, my sis shouts out) 'Ooh I just got hit in the face with a strap-on.'
Thank you and goodnight.

I'm baaaack!

The thing with the blogoshpere and me is that it seems to fill a need. When my life is full of interesting things to do, exciting places to see and cool people to hang out with, then I just don't seem to be that interested in updating online.
So for the past two weeks while I've been having the time of my life showing my sister around Japan, my blog has been sadly neglected.
But now that my sis has safely returned home and I have gone back to my shallow, hollow, shell of an existence, you can bet I am going to be all about the internets once again.
Time of my life was not an exaggeration. We have had so much fun. It really has been like my own vacation too.
I don't want to guild the lily: my sister has done a bang-up job documenting our day-to-day adventures in her online travel journal. You can access it via her link on this blog. So rather than rehash what she has already said I’m just going to give you some of my top moments. In no particular order (as we had so many good times, they're impossible to rank):
1. Lunch at Arakawa Dam in Yamanashi. This is one of the most mountainous regions of Japan, home, famously, to Mount Fuji. The dam is this hidden away spot surrounded by lushly forested peaks. We reached there in perfect weather conditions - a dry, warm day with a blue sky and a light, refreshing breeze. There is nothing near the dam except this one small, eccentric restaurant. We sat there on their terrace, looking at the gourds and masks and wild flowers decorating the shop, listening to the gentle classical music playing in the background. Dragonflies buzzed about in their hundred's in the valley below. The staff could not have been friendlier and served us a lunch of houtou nabe, homemade pickles, almond tofu and traditional green tea. The houtou nabe is a local speciality consisting of fat, flat noodles - not unlike fettuccine - in a thick, creamy pumpkin soup, with other mixed veggies, served in a cast iron pot. Honestly, relaxing there with great food, great companions and a great atmosphere I just about blissed out and didn’t want it to end.
2. The state of the art coffee vending machines. At one rest stop on one of our road trips we came across this amazing coffee vending machine. The thing is unlike any other I've seen. It freshly grinds the beans in a mill inside the machine before preparing the coffee for you. And just to prove it, there's a little camera inside the machine which projects all the workings on an outer screen as you stand there waiting for your drink. Seriously you put your money in the machine, the little jingle starts and for about two minutes you follow your beverage's progress on camera from whole bean to steaming goodness. It was SO cool. I know it's totally awful for the environment and wasteful of precious energy, but I really saw it more like performance art. And on top of it all, the coffee was gooood.
3. Scoring 100% on a karaoke machine in downtown Tokyo. No trip to Japan would be complete without a karaoke party. On one of our last days I took my sister and a friend to a karaoke bar. My sis loved it and needed no arm-twisting to sing after a few minutes. Everyone is always shy and reluctant and first and in the end you have to wrestle the mic out of their hands. I have a longstanding love affair with the old karaoke box and have built up quite a little repertoire. To make things more interesting, the more modern facilities provide little extras to entertain you. Some karaoke machines show you how many calories you've burned as you sing. Others allow you to sing along with your chosen idol. Others still give a percentage rating periodically through your performance. This last one is the type of machine we had chosen - it's nice to know how you're doing. Anyway, for the first time ever I scored 100%. In my many brutal years of karaoke I have never known that joy. Cue creaming, shouting, stamping of feet and me fumbling with my camera as my hands shook with glee trying to capture a picture of the perfect score before it disappeared from the screen. I failed. Okay, full disclosure: The song I achieved the perfect score to is shameful. I would point out that my sister chose it for me. It was, ahem... that Celine Dion song from Titanic, ahem... I know, I totally wish I'd done so well with something cooler. But true to my experience, even my great successes are tinged with shame and mortification. I must have really belted it out though. Unfortunately, as I said, the score itself was not captured on film, but the memory, like my heart, will go on.
4. The times where we just stopped, sat back and let the city go on around us. A few cases in point. After a long walk in Shinjuku picking a little cafe with a nice view of the evening city and just drinking a few Corona. An Asian restaurant in Inokashira park which I'd discovered with a friend who'd visited last year where we could sit and watch the thick growth of trees being lashed by the heavy rain as we sipped mojitos in the balmy afternoon air and really felt like we were in Asia. Dog Garden Café in Yokohama where my sis got her puppy and chocolate fix while I readjusted my dangerously low alcohol levels. Sitting there outside the café, near the sea, laughing, joking, watching the lights come on around us in Yokohama Bay was simple satisfaction.
5. The phat dinner my sis treated me to in the heart of Tokyo at Marunouchi. It was a cool restaurant, all ethnic and minimal. Each dish was presented like a work of art. Each element - the fresh ingredients, the inspired presentation, the fusion of modern and traditional styles, the taste - was as important as the other. Thanks to Ro I now have a new fave place to bring people who visit.
6. Our first day of sunshine after being pounded by the rainy seasonal weather front for the first few days. Walking around Shinjuku Gyoen in the bright rays and just taking the mickey out of each other is something I don't get to do over here.
7. The two power naps we were able to grab. I'll admit it. I overstuffed the schedule. We were way too busy. But this made the two brief chances we had to grab a thirty-minute rest all the more wonderful.
8. The times when we avoided taking a crowded commuter train for a bit and Ro allowed me to walk her through the city at night. At this time of year, the days can be pretty unforgiving but the nights are lovely and balmy. Walking from downtown skyscrapers and wide boulevards to little traditional homes built on top of each other in the zigzag maze of the suburbs was a joy. It was also a real buzz for me to show my sis that I now know the city better than many Japanese. I can navigate my way with confidence, something I'm ashamed to say I still can't manage in Dublin, my home!
All in all, it was just too much fun. I'm sure there are a million things I'm leaving out that were just as great, but there were the moments that came to mind

Irish Pride: We're kinda proud of it...

So it looks like I've inherited the Cadwell knack for backing the wrong horse.
I chose Japan over Ireland based on the safety of the place, the mannerliness of the people, and the overall quality of life.
As my previous god-knows-how-many entries will show, all these wonderful things now seem to be going to the dogs. While at the same time, the Emerald Isle I abandoned is kicking ass and taking names:
It was reported over here that Ireland has come top in a worldwide ranking of the safest places for tourists to travel to. How do ya like them apples!
According to analysis by Norwich Union and some sort of large insurers' group, Ireland had fewer reports of pickpocketing, road accidents, food poisoning, violent crime, insect bites, and so on, and so on, than any other country.
I was pretty shocked about the country which came out worst in the poll: Poor old Thailand. I would guess that was mostly down to the dismal traffic safety and the variety of bugs which like to eat you over there.
But other results were interesting, too. The Czech Republic beat out Italy for pickpocketing, you're most likely to experience violent crime in South Africa, and the idea of 'Dehli Belly' though stereotypical, is well-deserved by India.
Overall I was really proud of little old Ireland. Y'all rock the tourism!
Like I said before, I'm going to try and keep the focus more positive from now on. But I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't be thinking of moving back home - before a wonky North Korean missile lands on my balcony by accident, that is.