Vaguely resolving

I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about (and sometimes writing about) how my life is so terrible and such a disappointment.

But today, running down by the river, I was struck by how lucky I was to be alive and how much good stuff there was around me: the sky was clear and blue; the sun was shining on the fluttering susuki; old folks were fishing; people were out on the shimmering water in their speed boats and kayaks; children were literally skipping; there were even some pre-teens knocking tennis balls against a wall (which was probably one of my own happiest pastimes a kid - I was unabomber-level loner even back then).

And I just thought, well here I am getting a bit of fresh air, enjoying some exercise and having a chance to soak in all these happy vibes around me. Life's not that bad when you look at it. Maybe it is down to having had a bit of time off. No doubt it's a lot to do with another relative passing. But I really just want to be positive about 2011 and 'live' rather than just 'exist', as I feel I have been doing for the last few years.

Last year I made the mistake of writing down my new year's resolutions. I looked back at them the other day and realized that I didn't bring a single one to completion. I made a few inroads but clearly set the bar way too high and paved the way to failure and feeling down about myself. So this year I'm keeping it simple.

1. Be positive more often than negative. I think it's important to allow yourself to experience every emotion occasionally - even the bad ones - but I tend to let the scales tip too far over to the dark side.

2. Be healthier. I generally lead a pretty healthy lifestyle, but prioritizing work over health is an error from 2010 that I do not want to repeat in 2011.

3. Be less of a loner. I really enjoy my own company - I always have (see loner tennis games above). I live a lot in my head and feel very comfortable there. However, I fear I'm slipping from 'introvert' to 'asocial'. I don't want to see my relations with people as a burden or to be incapable of putting other people's needs before my own. Like in the two resolutions above, I just want to redraw the balance before it's too late.

Finally, I want to have some fun. 2010 was a dull year for me. I didn't laugh enough. So I'm going to try and join this little ninja in a project where you do one new fun or beneficial activity every month. The reason her plan really spoke to me is that she said the each month should involve "nothing insane, nothing dramatic, just activities that will make 2011 pass in less of a haze than 2010". Hallelujah! I haven't planned January's one yet, but I'm open to suggestions.