On October 4th, my parents celebrated thirty-five years of marriage. At the time, I wanted to write them a poem and put it up here. But I was sick that week and too self-centred to worry about anyone but myself. I'm better now, so here is the belated haiku.
I got the idea for this poem after considering parents' relationship.
Couples first come together and are very happy. Then kids come along. Soon the focus shifts to rearing the new family. The couple become distant, their orignal love forgotten. However, when the children have flown the nest, the couple are thrown back together, realising they don't know each other anymore. By always putting the children first, the bedrock of the partnership, that original love, disappears. And the whole family is weaker for it.
This has never happened with my folks.
Though my brother and sister and I have always felt perfectly, securely loved, it has always been clear that my mother and father's first concern is for each other. This is how it should be. And this is why, 35 years later, they're still sickeningly in love.
About 15 years ago my mother had a minor car crash. My sister and brother were in the car with her. I was at home with my father. My cousin, who was also a passenger, rang to tell my father of the accident. I overheard my dad picking up the phone. The first words out of his mouth were, 'Is G. okay?' (my mum) When he knew she was alright, he asked after his children.
I remember at the time how much this impressed me. It's stayed with me all these years. I felt even safer in my family unit knowing that my parents' love was so deep.
If I'm ever lucky enough to find myself in such a relationship, I hope I can remember my parents' lesson.
So here is my ode to a successful marriage.
I got the idea for this poem after considering parents' relationship.
Couples first come together and are very happy. Then kids come along. Soon the focus shifts to rearing the new family. The couple become distant, their orignal love forgotten. However, when the children have flown the nest, the couple are thrown back together, realising they don't know each other anymore. By always putting the children first, the bedrock of the partnership, that original love, disappears. And the whole family is weaker for it.
This has never happened with my folks.
Though my brother and sister and I have always felt perfectly, securely loved, it has always been clear that my mother and father's first concern is for each other. This is how it should be. And this is why, 35 years later, they're still sickeningly in love.
About 15 years ago my mother had a minor car crash. My sister and brother were in the car with her. I was at home with my father. My cousin, who was also a passenger, rang to tell my father of the accident. I overheard my dad picking up the phone. The first words out of his mouth were, 'Is G. okay?' (my mum) When he knew she was alright, he asked after his children.
I remember at the time how much this impressed me. It's stayed with me all these years. I felt even safer in my family unit knowing that my parents' love was so deep.
If I'm ever lucky enough to find myself in such a relationship, I hope I can remember my parents' lesson.
So here is my ode to a successful marriage.
その縁が、
子育てのあと、
切れなかった。
so-no-e-n-ga
ko-so-da-te-no-a-to
ki-re-na-kat-ta
The couple held hands.
Then came three happy children.
But that grip stayed firm.
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