I'm shaking in my boots, sweetie!

I was woken today by an earthquake at 6.40am. It wasn't that big, maybe level three or four, but it was big enough for me to assume emergency position. That means I jumped out of bed and huddled in my toilet, clad in jammies, with a pillow ready to throw over my head. The whole toilet thing is not in case I brown-trouser it. Rather it's because it's the safest room in the flat: It's the littlest and, therefore, has the best roof support.
My first thought on getting back to bed was, 'Thank you very much, Kim Jong Bloomin' Il! You've only gone and set off another nuclear bomb, haven't you!'
The fact that Korea and Japan lie on different tectonic plates did nothing to assuage my bitterness toward the podgy dictator. I remained convinced that it was his fault I was too nervous to get back to sleep. It was because of him and his ego that I would be forced to go to work without my full beauty quota.
It's a rotten business this whole nuclear testing thing. Let's put aside the obvious risks of aggression or weapons being sold off to terrorists. What scares me more is the almost inevitable environmental damage that this part of the world is going to be made to suffer. I figure sushi and sashimi are going to have to undergo the glow-in-the-dark test before long. To say nothing of the radioactive currents or dust particles that are probably clinging to my washing as we speak.
I'm reminded of one of the funniest Victoria Wood sketches of all time. The Julie Walters character is talking very earnestly to her friend about the leak in the power plant in Chernobyl and how worried she was because she had her patio furniture out the night it happened. I've butchered the joke, but it makes me laugh to remember it. If I wasn't laughing, I'd be crying.
Frighteningly, the papers are reporting now that if North Korea builds a successful bomb, it will only be a matter of years before Japan itself will establish a nuclear capability. At the moment such an action would be anticonstitutional. But the new Prime Minister, Abe, and some of his advisors have expressed openness to reforming the law for such an eventuality. You can just imagine what some of the other regional powers would have to say about Japan having a finger on the red button. Can you say, 'Arms Race'?
Oh we're going to hell in a handbasket. And our beloved Western governments must shoulder some of the blame for this situation. The despotic Kim is like a spoilt child. No-one is paying any attention to him. At present all eyes our focused (disasterously and mistakenly) on Iraq and Afghanistan. Diplomatic negotiations were cut off long ago and have since been woefully neglected. So Kim Jong Il is going to throw a fit and make bloody sure people remember he's around. It all seems like it could have been avoided. He and his administration clearly have no respect for human life. I just hope that the Western Powers, China, Russia and Japan find a way of dealing with him before he goes all Thelma and Louise on us.