Words from an Irishman on his way home...
Tuesday, 27 February 2007
Twenty things about me
1. I can’t grow sideburns. A beard – no problem! But as for sideburns there is a point just above my mandible where no hair will grow.
2. I can tell you every yen / cent I have spent over the last two years and how I spent it: I keep a notebook.
3. My photograph appears in a Japanese junior-high school textbook. A photographer came to a community volunteer lesson I took when I first came to Japan. I think it was a civics book.
4. Tragically, I know what the smell of a decomposing dead body is like. The woman in the apartment next to me in Luxembourg passed away and nobody found her for days. We thought the drains in the building had blocked up.
5. The greatest terror I have ever felt is when my friend nearly drowned in Laos and I couldn’t help her.
6. For the last two and a half years I have cut my own hair. I estimate I have saved about 1,000 Euro in doing so. Hairdressers are not cheap in Japan.
7. I was first in my primary school to be able to tie shoelaces. I used to have to tie laces for all my little classmates, as well. This was the height of my hand-eye co-ordination. Now, aged 31, I can’t sew on a button or fuse a plug to save my life.
8. I am flat-footed.
9. One of my happiest moments of all time was scoring ‘hyaku ten man ten’ (100%) from a karaoke singing game there a few months ago. I sang the hell out of the theme tune from ‘Titanic’.
10. The physical thing I’d most like to change about myself: my speaking voice.
11. I have been forcibly removed from a fast food restaurant twice, and dragged back into a restaurant for spilling wine and trying to leave without paying once!
12. I was / am definitely a street angel / home devil. I have thrown remote controls and dishes at my sister and tied my brother up and put pins in his bed (which weren’t found for ages)…to name but a few incidents.
13. But I have also been wrongly accused. My sister still thinks I hit her in the head with a golf club on purpose and my brother thinks I tried to poison him with an unhealthy dose of chocolate powder. I was a victim of circumstance on both counts.
14. I have sung on Irish national TV and radio.
15. I can say ‘Kiss my Ass’ in Indonesian and nothing else. Not ‘Hello’ or ‘Please’ or ‘Thank you’.
16. My happiest childhood activity was watching the clock they showed on TV after the test-card but before the real programs began. You could put your finger on the screen and pretend you were making the digits of the clock-face disappear.
17. I have never broken a bone but I have fallen on my head more times than I care to remember. It explains a lot.
18. I have a real phobia of speaking on the telephone. And not just in an ‘I hate it’ sort of a way. I mean in a heart-palpitatingly, get-the-sweats sort of a way. And it’s getting worse with age.
19. I’m skinny but I can put away more food than anyone else I know. I think I would do great on one of those crazy all-you-can-eat challenges. But I will never participate in one as I think they’re immoral.
20. My heroes, the people I most aspire to be like, are my parents.
Feeling Blue
The other day I had to do a trial translation for one of the companies that I applied to. To say it was horrific would be an understatement. I think I was very naive.
I thought companies would have me take a crack at something simple like a promotional brochure. No. This was a policy document about amortizing discrepancies arising from the application of the actuarial method to their fixed contributory pensions. Hello! I've only a vague idea what that means in English. Oh I'm getting the cold sweats just remembering the horror of it. And it took me so long. And it was so difficult to decide how to translate the figures in the document: in Japanese sometimes a comma means a decimal point and sometimes it just means a comma. In other words I wasn't sure whether I should translate the discrepancy as 27 million yen or 27 BILLION yen!!! That's quite an important issue, don't you think?
I really don't think I'll be hearing from this particular management consultancy again. 'I' wouldn't hire me.
Let's try to be positive - maybe it was one of those trials where they give you the abolsute worst, worst case just to see how you handle it. Anyway, going back to uni seems more and more attractive by the second.
In other depressing news, I think I have got rheumatism in my right hand. For the last couple of days I've had a dull ache around the knuckles between my index and middle fingers. Either that or my hand is in shock at using a pen again!
It gave my friends a good laugh when I told them of my suspicions. Here in Japan, because of the climate, such complaints are rare. But we Irish seem genetically predisposed to arthritis, rheumatism, and other aches and pains. By next week I'll be forced to type this blog with my elbows.
I do of course have good things to tell you about: my friend's wonderful photography exhibition, the Japanese buffet I enjoyed on Sunday, the karaoke parlour where I'm convinced we would have died in a fire if I hadn't rushed us out well ahead of closing time.
But I'm in a mood and feel like wallowing in my sorry-for-myselfness for a while.
Boo to job-hunting, I say!
Wednesday, 21 February 2007
So wrong, but yet so right!
I was given a gift of the chocolate covered potato chips. At first, I thought they were a joke: they're like something Homer would try and market in The Simpsons.
But they are SO good. The lightly salted potato mingles harmoniously with the chocolate shell. They're best just out of the fridge, and even better with a long, cool beer on the side.
I've talked before about how I'm inspired by the Japanese give-anything-a-try attitude to cuisine. I like what the Royce Chocolate company printed on the box:
'By breaking down old customs and producing consistently original items, we are pursuing a new level in chocolate enjoyment.'
My Irish Eyes are Smiling!
Along with the usual parade, dancing, music and so on, there's going to be a really special illumination.
Tokyo tower is the symbol of the city that is dearest to local people's hearts. It has a very romantic image, and was constructed around the time when Japan made it's great leap forward to global economic domination. It represents all that was good about those times and all that many feel has now been lost.
Anyway, to celebrate Ireland having 50 year's of diplomatic respresentation in Japan, the tower is going to be lit up in emerald green for the evening of March 17th. I can't wait. I know when I see it I'm going to get a frisson of patriotic fervour. I may even burst into 'Amhran na bhFian' in the street.
To any Tokyoites reading this blog - please do not worry. Your hard earned taxes are not going to be paying for this frivolity. The good people at Glenn Dimplex (Dad, I'm sure you remember them well) are picking up the tab.
Monday, 19 February 2007
I haven't talked about toilets in AGES...
As you can see from the photo above, here in Japan all urinals are built with the bowl going right down to the floor, as you can see. A waste of ceramic, perhaps. But 'we' Japanese are a varied race and this way men of all heights can be accommodated.
Imagine my surprise on arrival in Schipol Airport to find that the urinal is, in fact, a small ceramic cup placed half way up the wall. Now I'm 1m83cm, and even I was thinking to myself, 'I think I could do with a bit of a foot-stool or something here.' Those pesky tall Dutchers.
But oh the shame! I felt for the poor Yoda-like Japanese salaryman who came in after me and had no choice but to use the kiddie's toilet. Balloon motif and all.
Sunday, 18 February 2007
Films
1. How many of them come from the French speaking world. You would think, after the experiences I've had living in 'francophone' countries, I would never want to dip my toe in their cultural waters again. But you would be wrong. French speakers make amazing movies.
2. Though the films are from diverse cultural and linguistic settings, they all share the fact that they are stories of people in a state of serious mental breakdown. Thank God I don't put too much faith in Freudian analysis. It would probably tell me I'm a deeply disturbed character living on the knife-edge of full psychic crisis. Having said that...
Saturday, 17 February 2007
Dripping Just for you - my lil bro's trip to Japan 06
I watched 'Shakespearse in Love' tonight: a great film I hadn't seen in ages. It gave me inpiration and I changed my blast accordingly. As my wonderful Aussie friends say, 'She'll be right, mate!'
Nothing else is going on in my life right now, so I thought I'd finally talk about my brother's trip all the way back in Dec 06.
He really got me out of my shell with his visit. I am the world's least spontaneous person. I need to be crow-barred into doing anything outside my comfort zone. But at his request, he had me watching professional wrestling live and direct, visiting the world's largest haunted house, and sitting in a traditional Japanese room observing his first calligraphy lesson - he was really good: he had a natural talent. Unlike me - my handwriting looks like a drunk spider has crawled throught the inkpot.
He arrived safely and smoothly and surprisingly unjetlagged. I was mortified to arrive late to meet him at Shinjuku Station. This was a big deal for me as Japanese tend to be completely anal about punctuality. Usually I'm so good. It was Murphy's Law.
Because flights from Europe arrive in Tokyo in the morning, I really felt the need to keep him as active as possible to prevent him getting too sleepy. So we had a beautiful walk through the autumn leaves in Shinjuku Gyoen, my favourite park in Tokyo. I also treated him to his first experience of a 'Manga' cafe - a 24 hour windowless den of iniquity where people go to read Japanese anime magazines and surf porn on the internet. Plus you can get free coffee and whipped icecream. What more could you want?!
We met up with his friend who lives in Japan and my Japanese friend the next day. I took them for make-your-own okonomiyaki. This is a kind of Japanese pancake meets pizza meets omlette dish. It's so good. The evening was a lot of fun, but I felt so old - these young people nowadays speak in a language all of their own. What with all the 'claw' and 'fang' being thrown about, I had no idea what they were talking about. God knows what my Japanese friend thought. Luckly she was drunk on one sniff of the barmaid's apron!
Next was Fujikyu Highlands. This is Japan's premium theme park. It's so cool. My bro wanted to go there to visit the world's biggest haunted house. I was skeptical, but it turned out to be a real thrill. Imagine me, him and two Japanese friends huddled together, running through the corridors of a deserted mental institution, screaming all the way as we're being chased by zombie doctors for thirty minutes. I thought I'd hate it but I'd go back in a shot.
I'm a big fan of rollercoasters and attractions of all sorts. My bro, not so much after a bumper-car incident many years ago. This park has the longest, the highest and the fastest rollercoasters in the world. The newest attraction is the coaster with the most loops in the world. Needless to say - I was in heaven! There may even be video footage of me running about and screeching in happiness like a little girl.
The best thing about the theme park is the team spirit that 'we' Japanese display. Honestly, waiting in line for a ride everyone is your friend. Take a look as we wait in line for the rollercoaster with the biggest drop in the world. Seriously, you try to scream but the air rushing into your mouth at great speed muffles the sound.
I had my usual dose of shame at the park. Due to bad weather, the 'Big Drop' ride was shut. I have loved these so much ever since my time in Lux. I may perhaps have gone on about it a little bit too much though. By the end of the day, my bro and friends were ready to strangle me if I mentioned the godforesaken ride again.
I was also pretty embarrassed by the fact that my bro was able to identify my shouts and screams from way down on the the ground as I rode a couple of the more thrilling rides. Basically people in my family are taught to 'project' from an early age. You don't speak up in my house, you don't get heard.
The main event of my lil bro's trip to Japan had to be going to see a live pro wrestling event. Those of you who know me will know how out of character such a day out would be for me. But my bro is a big fan and takes it seriously. I LOVED it. It was so spectacular. I recommend you check out the photos I've uploaded in the 'Stevo's Visit 06' album.
Now, my bro doesn't really drink. But I have been known to enjoy the odd glass of sherry. I'm pretty sure my bro was about ready to swing for me when, a few beers in, I started thinking it might be a good idea to add my own 'boing boing' sound effects to the action taking place in the ring only a few rows in front of us.
The 'wrasslin' even gave me one of the most charming photo opportunities I've ever had over here in Japan. It's the photo I've put at the top of this entry. So we turn up at this big stadium full of sweaty, overweight, wrestling geeks and there perched amongst them is this petite Japanese lady fully decked out in traditional kimono. And she was so into the whole thing. We figure she was showing respect to her beloved wrestlers by making the effort to wear this ceremonious garb. It was incongruous and lovely - like so much of the best that is Japan.
I've given you the trip almost exclusively from my point of view. But hey- it's my diary. If my bro were talking to you, I'm sure he'd be telling you about the hours of joy we spent in Akihabara - Tokyo's computer and electronics heaven. Or the almost religious experience he had visiting 'music' street in Ochanomizu - a street devoted entirely to musical instrument shops. No kidding - we spent a good hour shopping for guitar pedals alone.
But I think the high point for him of the whole trip was the calligraphy lesson my friends kindly arranged for him. We had just had a literal feast in my favourite traditional restaurant. The dishes were cleared away. Room was made for the 'washi' Japanese paper and 'fude' brushes. It was really moving for me to see my lil bro be inspired by the language and culture that has bewitched me and caught me in its grasp.
Highpoint for me of the trip - sad but true, probably ice skating. I was just so stoked that I could remember how to do it after a break of about 10 years.
I couldn't let a post about my bro's trip go by without mentioning the famous rest-stop coffee machine. I have blogged about this before. It is the world's funkiest coffee vending machine. It plays music and shows you a video of the inner workings of the machine as you wait. Here it is in video splendour entitled 'Dripping Just for You!'
Wednesday, 14 February 2007
Fingers Crossed
Uggh, and I have just realised I have addressed my contact as Ms all along, when in fact she is Dr. I shouldn't be allowed near a computer or a phone unaccompanied.
I won't sleep tonight, that's for sure.
Pat
My Blog Birthday
Today we had 春一番 (Haru Ichiban - The first gales of Spring). I decided I'd write about how the Japanese seasons proceed like clockwork and how predictable the weather is. But as I sat down to type, I realised I'd already written this exact entry before. I checked. It's there for all to see on March 7th 06. How sad is that! After only one year I'm running out of things to say.
So instead of the predictability, let's focus on the danger. Gales are really too nice a word for Haru Ichiban. It's at the change of the seasons where vastly different high and low pressure fronts meet and warm winds blast across the cold archipelago.
And I mean blow-off-your-roof-cut-out-your-power-toppled-trees-on-the-trainline winds!
I just got back from the supermarket and my sixty-five little kilos were very nearly lifted off the ground a couple of times in the two minute journey.
So we're at 'Code Orange': my current threat level assessment for living here in Japan right now.
I mean, taking into account the old favourites (earthquake, tsunami, typhoon, volcano) I now have to worry about my apartment being either blown DOWN (thank you Haru Ichiban) or blown UP (thank you protesters who set off a pipe bomb not twenty minutes from my house there the other day)!
Oy vey!
Sunday, 11 February 2007
The gravity of the situation...
This picture is so typical of the Scorpio in me. Just like with yoga. I hadn't gone in a week and then took a lesson tonight. Half way through I thought I was about to expire and vowed to force myself into the studio at least three times a week from now on.
My little scorpion mind swings from being a clean freak or fitness nut to living like an extreme slob who can barely walk up the stairs. Then I'll go and swing all the way back again.
It's a sign that my mind is in a total mess when the things around me are not in order. It's not really surprising, considering all the thinking I've been doing over the last two weeks about where my destiny lies. Still no decisions made, but the call of Europe is getting stronger by the day. My mother's direct line to heaven must be in fine working order.
Needless to say there was no call back for another interview from the guy I spoke to the other day. He probably thought I was on crystal meth. Onwards and upwards.
If I do move back home, last night will be one of the kinds of night I will really miss.
Headed into a really old-fashioned Japanese pub tucked away in this tiny space between two buildings. It was just like a little side street bar you'd see in a black and white movie - lean to building, red hanging lanterns, peeling posters advertising long-gone brands.
And the food - so traditional: just what I love. Fermented soy beans mixed with ground yam (tororo natto), wakame seaweed in vinegar (wakame su), a kind of angel hair seaweed in vinegar jelly (mozuku), char grilled aubergine and peppers, cold tofu in soy sauce topped with ginger (hiyayakko). Yum! How will I ever survive with half a shandy and some pork scracklings when such feasts are standard beer accompaniments here???
And it isn't just the food I'll miss. What about cheap karaoke? Oh for the cheapness! Total dive of a place and a machine not unlike old Bessie in her curmudgeonly ways. But we belted out all the old classics. I'm up to knowing two Japanese songs perfectly now. Barely need to look at the screen. And the others I can make a stab at if the melody is easy. I have 'some' speaking voice today. This is an improvement from Christmas time karaoke in Ireland where I couldn't speak for about three days. There was rejoicing from those around me at the time!
So my resolution to be more social this year is moving on apace. On top of last night, my friend got me to join a sort of Japanese Myspace. I'm up to two friends now (including my original introducer). It's very exciting.
Wednesday, 7 February 2007
Update on my update
But I got it done. I sent it off (probably full of mistakes). Who cares, though. I don't even care about this job - I just wanted to get the ball rolling. I guess being blase is the best way forward from now. I won't have a worry in the world.
A brown pants update...
I literally just uploaded that last entry when my phone rings. It wasn't a number I recognised but I answered it anyway: something I hardly ever do.
Who was it but Mr Ishii from one of the companies I'd only minutes earlier applied to. He wanted to do a preliminary telephone interview...in JAPANESE.
It was hilarious. I was just in shock. I kept answering his questions and then giggling like a mad man. I was that close to asking if this was a joke and if one of my friends had put him up to it.
Imagine the scene (in Japanese)
Him: 'So you say you have a Japanese government qualification. When did you receive this?'
Me: 'Just last night *cackle, cackle* I'm very quick!'
Him: 'And you mentioned in your cover letter that you have no Japanese translation experience but that you did some translation from French to English. What was the topic of the translation?'
Me: 'Oh it was sometime to do with doctors *cackle* I don't really remember, it ws AGES ago *cackle, cackle*
Him: 'And I understand you have an English resume prepared, but do you have a Japanese version available?'
Me: 'No. I only got my license last night!' *snigger*
Him: 'Do you know how to write one?'
Me: 'No.'......'but I'll find out!' (to myself - 'Phew, nice save!')
Him: 'Eeer thanks.'
Me: 'Thank you and goodbye' *guffaw*
I tell you. I've lost a kilo in weight in the last five minutes. Oh the horror that is job hunting.
Glorious News
I passed! I've graduated! In the end, I did really well!
It's such a relief to have the stress of waiting for exam results over me.
I'm not sitting around on my laurels. No sir. I've already applied for two translation jobs. To be honest, I'm not even sure I'd want them if I could get them. They're not back in the dreaded finance world, but most of their clients are finance companies. It'd be translating a lot of banking and securities documentation.
I also didn't put much effort into the applications. I just wanted to see if they'd even give me an interview with only a qualification and no experience.
The standard recruitment process is that they screen your CV. If selected, they send you a translation to do at home. And if successful, you go and do a translation in their office and discuss it with the existing team members.
It all sounds horrific and much worse than the Leaving Cert Irish Oral.
But I have to get out there and see what this world is like. And even if I can get into this world.
But just having to go through my resume made the sheltered, ivory towers of academia seem so much more appealing. Could a return to Europe be on the cards? Stay tuned, kids.
Monday, 5 February 2007
Will I lay down in Leiden?
Yesterday was so great, such an inspiring cultural feast. And then today I wake up and I just want to hide under the covers. I slept a healthy eight hours over night. Then slept again for another two hours in the early afternoon. Then slept a couple more hours in the early evening. And not your lovely refreshing cat-nap sleep. Deadening, headachy, waking-up-in-mud exhaustion. It was like having a sick day without being sick.
I'm sure it's just a reaction to waiting for these bloody test results. How can it possibly take the government almost three months to correct and publish our certification exams? I think I've been doing a great job of convincing myself it's all pointless and unimportant during the day. Then night rolls in, and my subconscious takes over, and I fret and fuss the night away. Hence the tiredness.
Anyway, when trying to get out of a depression I think action is key. Some action. Any action. I hate feeling powerless and controlled above all else.
Finding a non-English-speaking job here in Japan WITHOUT my certification is daunting. Plus, I'm still not sure I want to stay in Japan. Events of the year so far have made me think more and more about having family and friends in close proximity. But not too close! I can't turn my independent, gypsy nature around completely.
So I started looking into things I could do whether I pass or fail this month that would bring me closer to home. I started looking into Masters progams in the University of Leiden in the Netherlands.
I've put the idea of going to Germany on hold. I've been told by too many people that Dusseldorf is a bleak place. But I loved Holland whenever I visited and Leiden looks like a really nice town. And the courses are unbelievably cheap - I fear there must be a mistake. Much cheaper than DCU.
Nothing may come of all this but I feel better for having gotten out of bed and faced what was left of the day head on. To summarize, this month I may either be
a) Looking for a new job here in Japan
b) Applying for a Masters in Japanese translation in Dublin
c) Applying for a Masters in Japanese studies in Leiden....
or more probably a combination of all three. Oh dear, I kind of feel like cawling under the covers again. Who would be me, I ask ya?
Sunday, 4 February 2007
Happy New Year!!!
Yesterday, the 3rd of February, was 節分 (Setsu Bun - the division of the seasons). This is the day on which 'we' Japanese greet the coming Spring with a wish for good luck and a cleaning out of the bad spirits around us.
It's a day when we take dried soy beans, long believed to have the power to fight evil, and throw them around the outside of our homes. As we throw we shout '鬼は外 福は内’ (Oni wa soto, Fuku wa uchi - Devils Begone! Good Luck Come Inside!). I can't afford to go nuts with the beans, though. Those readers who've been with me since last year will remember that I tend to get pigeons coming to squate over my door once February ort March rolls around. I don't want to do anything to encourage the little blighters.
I'm pretty sure last year I must have gotten the words mixed up as it turned out to be such a dog of a year. This year I was extra careful and enunciated clearly. 2007 is supposed to be my year, after all.
There is another custom on Setsu Bun where you buy a very large sushi roll and eat it in one go facing in a particular direction. I think the direction is dictated by some sort of feng shue. But I don't bother with this tradition as I was told it's only a recent idea and was simply created as a way to increase the sales of the dried seaweed used to make the sushi.
This doesn't surprise me in the slightest. Most holidays in Japan are just an excuse to go shopping. I mean we've already been bombarded with various Valentine's Day promotions since the New Year decorations came down about three weeks ago.
In the ancient Japanese calendar, Setsu Bun was actually New Year's Eve. That means today, the 4th of February, was the first day of the New Year. As such it should be a time for celebration.
I went to Shimo Kitazawa, my old homestead, to enjoy the annual ’天狗祭り' (Tengu Matsuri - Goblin Festival). This forms part of the old New Year's Day Festivities.
I was lucky enough to be able to enjoy an amazing display of traditional Japanese drumming just outside the station. And all for free. Here's a video. I'm sorry about the glare. Today was a beautiful, bright day and I was stuck in a place facing into the sun.
These young people really put me to shame. They were so serious and respectful of the culture and heritage they were carrying on. It made me ashamed that I don't know more about my own native traditions and customs. I guess one of the keys is to start young. You can see in the next video that the players are actually smaller than the drums they're playing (again, sorry about the glare).
As I was watching the older drummers I was reminded of the Whirling Dervishes of Islamic tradition. As with spinning, it seemed as if the drummers were going into a kind of ecstatic trance as they drummed, giving thanks to God not just with their minds, but with all of their bodies.
The final video is of some drummers accompanying three girls playing Japanese bamboo flutes. The music had echoes of Celtic melodies, I thought.
Clogged Arteries and the City
This is a picture taken outside the new Krispy Kreme Doughnut shop in Shinjuku, Tokyo. It's about 5pm on a Sunday afternoon and all these people are queuing up for the privilege of buying American confectionary.
Japanese people have long enjoyed amazing health and the greatest longevity in the world. I don't think that's going to be the case for much longer, though.
While franchises like Krispy Kreme are floundering in the US and many in the West are cutting out carbs, here in the Land of the Rising Sun we can't get enough.
People are willing to give over their precious weekend hours to waiting in line to buy literally dozens of doughnuts. And all because the shop is new and has been recommended on TV. It's the 'sheep' effect in it's most perfect form.
As if the first picture wasn't hard enough to believe, look here at how the queue even snakes around the corner of the building. A wait time of more than one hour on a Sunday afternoon... for doughnuts! Can you believe it???
Winter Fuji
This is a picture I took from the soba restaurant I had dinner at the other night. It's a beautiful view of Fuji san as the sun sets in Seijo in Setagaya ward (near whre I work).
About Me
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2007
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February
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- Twenty things about me
- Feeling Blue
- So wrong, but yet so right!
- My Irish Eyes are Smiling!
- I haven't talked about toilets in AGES...
- Films
- Dripping Just for you - my lil bro's trip to Japan 06
- Fingers Crossed
- My Blog Birthday
- The gravity of the situation...
- Update on my update
- A brown pants update...
- Glorious News
- Will I lay down in Leiden?
- Happy New Year!!!
- Clogged Arteries and the City
- Winter Fuji
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