Nellism

I think it must be all the electric wires and pylons just outside my balcony. Maybe it's the radiation or something, but living in my apartment seems to have a strong impact on some of my guests'.... shall we say 'mental faculties'...cough...'H. B.'...cough...
Some people spend time in Zama and end up talking like Nell from that Jodie Foster movie.
Anyway, my sister's visit has proved that previous outbreaks were not isolated incidents. Maybe a mix of the radiation , microwaves, jetlag and culture shock led her to come out with some real quotable Nellisms...tae in the ween!!!!! tae in the ween!!!!
Chief among them:
(whilst making a serious point over tea and cakes in a nice cafe) 'and one would think...(shocked silence)...Oooh I've just gotten cake in my ear!'
(on coming back from an ultra modern Japanese bathroom) 'I've just done the handjob thing in the toilet! (she was referring of course to the strange airdryers over here which are a little difficult to figure out at first)
(on being served delicious cocktails) 'Ooh I'll suck on that...wait that's not a straw!' (she was referring of course to the swizzle stick)
(when going from the airport sitting on the very last car of his train where you can see the conductor (not the driver!) in their own little compartment) 'Wow! The driver must have a hard time steering this thing all the way at the back without being able to see out - is there a camera at the front or something?' (I put this one down to jetlag after a monstrous fourteen hour flight)
(On discovering the joys of trying to get clothes dry in Japanese rainy season) 'I'm not wearing that - I don't want to smell like mouldy crotch!' (Seriously linen pants drying for three days indoors in 90% humididity... not a good smell, people. Don't try it at home.)
But the classic of all time for me was purely endearing. My sis made a huge effort to learn and speak lots of Japanese while she was over here. P., you have a serious competitor here.
All my friends and students were well impressed by how much she learned. But in the early stages of her learning she accidentally came out with a beauty.
In Japan, before eating, we say,'Itadakimasu'. It means something like 'Bon Appetit'. But Ro got it confused one day with me and said, 'Itamakidesu'. Roughly translated into English this means 'Hi, my name's Ita Mackey.' I was beside myself and now have a new favourite word and all meals now start this way with me. People must think I'm crazy.
I must now look officially like a totally bullying brother. But there is plenty she could hit back at me with. I mean, hello, scoring high in karaoke to Celine Dion. Or more embarrassingly the way I come up with my own special little names for daily objects and use them almost wihtout knowing it anymore. For example, the first car of the train is always the death car, echynacia tea is always euthenasia tea and the the hooks hanging from the ceiling of the train that you hold on to are always called strap-ons. This leads to the final hilarious Nellism which was therefore totally my fault:
(on a crowded commuter train, my sis shouts out) 'Ooh I just got hit in the face with a strap-on.'
Thank you and goodnight.